The Meaning of Marriage...

10/24/2013


Did you know there's actually a book with this title, ironically my husband owns it...he ordered it with some other books about baptism and marriage awhile ago, I personally am not very religious so I decided to not peak into this book before writing this post.  I believe marriage means a number of different things to each individual, it is rare (for me at least) that I've met two people who have exactly the same views on marriage.

Some view marriage as a contract, a binding agreement that holds them to another person, usually I've found that people with this thought process aren't usually supportive of marriage or say "it's not for me", some view marriage an ultimate goal to reach, we often know them as the girls who will do just about anything to get their boyfriend to marry them, or you have some who value marriage and understand it's limits.

I actually fall into the later group.  As a product of divorced parents and knowing they were married once before going through their own divorce, my thoughts on marriage have always been if I'm doing it I'm doing it once, that's it!  So when David and I found out we were having Hannah and the topic of marriage came up I was thrilled to know we were on the same page when it came to marriage.

Marriage means...Compromise.  This is big in our house, we aren't going to agree on absolutely everything, that's just reality so we always try to find a middle ground.

Marriage means...Support.  We support each other through everything.  I'll be honest there were A LOT of people who didn't think that our marriage would work or last near as long as it has but through support from one another we make it through each and every day.  Whether David has a rough day at work or I have one of my frequent emotional breakdowns we strive to always be there for the other one and support each other, as David says "I always have your back, even if your wrong, doesn't mean I won't let you know it later but I will always fight for you and with you".

Marriage mean...Intimacy.  Let's be honest...no marriage will work without it.  This has actually be a rough one in our marriage since Savannah, I can be honest and admit that but it's 100% on my end and due to my PPA (Post-Partum Anxiety) because of the medication I take it's killed my sex drive but we are getting there slowly but surely!  The old saying is true "if you won't do it someone else will" and that's always in my head.

Marriage means...Commitment.  Like I said before when David and I got married it was for LIFE! No get of jail free cards, no negotiations, no take backs.  We both believe that the only real get out of marriage card is cheating but we both strongly believe that there are a MILLION other options out there before we go there.  We have spent too much time building our life together to just throw it away.

Marriage means...Happiness.  Finally, I can tell you that I married my best friend.  There isn't a moment in the day that I don't think of him or want to talk to him or be around him.  When he's at work I miss him.  I once told a good friend who objected to my marriage that "I am 98% happy every single day, that's better than a crap ton of other people I know", how can you not be happy for me in that statement?  The 2% usually involves the kids driving me nuts. Not many people can say that they are that happy and content in their lives and that's something we take pride in.

David jokes that between 60 years old and 61 years old I need to "put him down" out of his misery, he really doesn't want to get old so if I only have another 29 years with him I intend to make them the best of our lives being together, being in love and raising our girls and watching them grow...I hope to get to be one of those couples who is together for 40+ or even 50 years...I idolize those couples and they are always the cutest at Cracker Barrell on Saturday mornings!!

Share some of your tips for marriage with me.  What does marriage mean to you? How do you and your significant other make it work?  Any tricks of the trade for those married longer than 3 years?

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8 comments

  1. Next month will be our 5 year anniversary! And it's quite the five years. We now have three kids! I love you advice and it's all solid. I think a big thing to remember is that marriage is NOT a competition, so we should NEVER keep score! So, just because one week you did all the laundry and washed all the dishes, it doesn't mean that your husband sucks and he's lazy and doesn't appreciate you. It's not about that! It's about helping each other out. I think too often we want everything to be 50/50, but it should be more like 110/110. The key to this is of course communication. If you do feel underappreciated, then talk to your husband, and NOT your mother or your girlfriend. I hate when people nag and rip on their husbands in public.

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    1. I agree...I can say the only thing I ever have to complain about with my husband is that he can't keep his hands off me! haha he's so in love and lust that it drives me crazy sometimes but I know I'd rather have him be that way the completely ignoring me! And he's really great at giving me time off because he knows I work so hard at home during the week!

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  2. Great tips! My husband and I have been married just over 8 years. I can honestly say we have had good times and tough times, but are so happy to be together through ALL of them. My only words of advice are what has worked in my own marriage. Try to really listen to one another - not think about what you are going to say back, or in "rebuttal", but really listen for what the other person means and is feeling. Then let them know you listened by acknowledging it. That last part is so important because, for us, it breaks down the defensiveness and brings us to a place of working together, even if it is trying to solve a problem. Also, don't be afraid to talk to a professional. There is no embarrassment in getting counseling. Friends are great, but they always have some bias whether it is their own marriage or being closer to you or your husband. Counselors are a neutral party that can help couples learn to communicate better and solve problems in ways that make both people feel appreciated and loved.

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    1. I agree 100%...if you need to talk to a counselor there's no shame in it...communication is #1 in marriage and sometimes you need a middle man to help you do that!

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  3. What a great post Penny. I for one love the idea of love and marriage but I also think it should only be done once and done right. But at the same time I'm not like other girls who imagined their wedding day and planned it and all that. I've actually been the one who's always said that I don't want to get married because it leads to divorce and it leaves one person paying the price. Unfortunately, I've always had a very negative view of marriage, My personal view on it is that two people who love eachother don't need to have the paper to prove it. Would I like someone to one day come along and change my views, yes of course. But at the same time I was raised by a very strong independent woman who showed be you don't need a man in your life to succeed. But again that's just me.

    With all that being said I do love seeing couples who take marriage seriously and who make it work. Because of those people I know that there's still hope for the institution of marriage.

    Great share

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    1. My mom was the same way but it took her two failed marriages to be that way...she doesn't date, she's just content in her life and lives it. I do agree, not everyone feels that you need a piece of paper or a ring to say you are committed to a person.

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  4. I am that girl that thinks of marriage as a business partnership. My husband and I have been happily married for 5 years and together for 9. I treat our marriage like a business partnership. We are equals with a shared responsibility in making this business work and profit. I am the CEO and he is the CFO. It's a simple solution that works for us :)

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    1. I'm the CEO and CFO haha JK in some aspects marriage is a business partnership, there's mergers and acquisitions...thank you for stopping by!

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