Mr. Caleb has turned ONE! How did that happen?  I'm still not sure, but we survived it and the party was a wonderful time.  A little rainy and damp but family and friends gathered for the day to celebrate our amazing little boy.  As you can see it was a Monsters, Inc. theme to match Caleb's nursery and his obsession with the movies.

Thirteen years is a very long time to miss your best friend. And I do. Every day. April 29th was the thirteenth anniversary of my best friends passing. Every year for that week or weeks before and after I’m a mess, I just get into a funk and I can’t get out of it. It’s like the loss of a sibling, it devastates my heart.

It’s in human nature to be jealous. We always want more. Worse, we always want what we don’t have or what we see others with. We see this develop very early in children, “I don’t want that toy, I want what Joey has” and so on. Truth is, we should just be happy with what we have. I find myself lately not being jealous of anyone but my husband. I know, weird but true. There are some things I’m jealous of and shouldn’t be, but I am. But here are some of the new ways I’m trying to channel that.

I feel like I’ve come full circle with my children. Not necessarily in the way that you might think though. I’ve mentioned before in previous posts that when I was about 19 I was in an unhealthy relationship that lead to an unplanned pregnancy. I decided at a young age and in that unhealthy relationship that it was not the best time in my life to have or raise a child. Not with my partner, not without proper support. Everyone makes these decisions differently but for me, in that moment of time, I made the correct choice for myself, my now ex and that baby.

When I was younger there aren’t many Holiday traditions that I remember our family partaking in. The only one that truly sticks out is that we would go and pick out a real tree at a tree farm, cut it down and bring it home. Holiday traditions are some of the most important memories for a child and their family. Some children will even carry those traditions over into their own families (when it’s that time). I was inspired by Patience Brewster to write about our holiday traditions. Patience Brewster is a small one artist company that creates unique handmade ornaments and holiday gifts.

The truth is good, bad or indifferent these are the last weeks we have as a family of four. There was a time when it was just three of us and before that just my husband and me. However, the ending of this specific chapter, just us and the girls seems more bittersweet. More changes have to happen.

Hannah and Savannah will be transitioning not just into the same bedroom but into new roles as siblings. Hannah is used to being a big sister but being a sister to a brother will be new but obviously very exciting for her. Savannah will struggle; I’m sure with becoming a middle child. I will struggle most of all with how to balance all of the needs for my children in the coming weeks and months. Nobody said these transitions would be easy on any of us but whether we are ready for them or not, they are going to happen.

This is why I really want to take the time to remember and spend all the moments we can as a family. I want to spend the next 50-some odd days enjoying these two little girls just as much as I can. I want to pick pumpkins and run them through corn mazes. I want more family movie nights after family dinners. I want to listen to every word they have to say because I truly know that sadly, as bad as it sounds, I will have a ton of my attention taken away from them when this baby arrives.

I’m going to miss it being just the four of us (yes, I totally just sang that like the Will Smith song), but the addition of a brother and son will bring forth so many new and amazing journeys. But until he arrives I’ll try to keep living in the moment with them and crossing my fingers that I don’t lose my sanity when we change from Family of Four to a Party of Five.

It's kind of a running joke that people without children literally have NO IDEA what it's like to be a parent. Sure, there is the amazing, magical part about loving another human more than you ever thought possible. But there's also the part where you both flop on the couch after getting your baby to bed and have no energy to do anything but look at one another and try to remember which of you actually fed the dog that night. Like it or not, having a baby will change your marriage in drastic ways.

Again this week I'm sharing a photo from the wonderful Emily Ann Photography!  She did an amazing job capturing our little family and I'm so grateful.  Also, another shameless plug for her, please if you live in Virginia contact Emily, she does great work, is easy to work with and her prices are insanely affordable ($50!!).

with my dad's mom just after I was born...on the screened in porch

I'm going to slightly cheat on this one and pick the screened in porch off my childhood home.  I'm probably one of the few who has a parent still living in their childhood home, my mom still resides in mine.  My parents built the house I was raised in just before I was born, it's beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 level home in a family friendly neighborhood on a fairly quite street...the largest perk of this home is that there is a large open field across the street that can't have anything built on it so we never had any neighbors across the street which made it prime play area for me and friends, even my old community cheer leading practices were done there.  These days we use the screen in porch for lunches or dinners at my mom's house, a place to lay around and let the kids play so they can be inside but outside at the same time.

my dad and me...on the screened in porch

But when I was younger it served a similar purpose, family would come to visit and we would congregate on the screened in porch, many naps, meals and laughs were had in this room attached to our house.  One of my favorite pictures of my dad and I was taken on that porch and most of my 1st baby moments were captured there, my 1st birthday was on the porch as well.  As I grew up it was a quiet place to do my homework or just hang out with a friend after school.  My first break up happened on that porch, my graduation party from high school (I barely made it but I did!) was filled with cake and lots of cards filled with money...I can honestly say I have the most memories on that screened in porch.

with my dad's dad just after I was born while my mom and aunt watched...on the screened in porch

I know one day my mom will move and the house will be gone but I will always have those memories on that porch and maybe, just maybe some little girl will get to live all those memories likes I did there

It's hard to keep track of birthdays, anniversaries so many other days but for some reason Grandparent's Day stood out to me this year.  We are blessed that Hannah and Savannah have Grandparent's who adore and love them so completely, between David's parents, my mom who is down a lot to see us as well as my dad and step-mom who we actually just saw today!

My dad with Savannah

I'm also reminded today about the Grandparent's that David and I have lost. Last year we both lost our last living Grandparent, David's Granny passed away on November 1st and my Grammie (my mom's mom) passed away on Christmas morning.  Since both leaving us so suddenly it's been very important to us to have the girls with their Grandparent's as much as possible.

My mom with both girls this summer

I know it's not "cool" to hang out with your Grandparent's but I want the girls to know that they are so loved that it shouldn't matter if it's cool or not and to really take the time to appreciate these amazing people who give so much of themselves for them.

A family shot before she passed with David's Granny and David's parents

So if you are lucky enough to still have a Grandparent with you today, take some time, give them a call or stop in to see them...they should know not just today but everyday how much you love and appreciate all that they have done for you.

When we found out that we were expecting Hannah, one of the first things we did was look for a dog.  I remember thinking "if we can't raise a dog together, we can't raise a baby"...David and I both agreed that we loved Pit Bulls and that's the dog that we wanted.  One day randomly I emailed about 20 people from Craigslist with puppies, the first lady to respond lived in WV and had a quote "rescue", the picture of the puppy she sent us wasn't exactly the best but we took a leap of faith and road out to view the pups.  Almost instantly David knew that he wanted the pup that is now our Whiskey girl!  She's still the best $45 either one of us has probably ever spent.

Fast forward about 2 years and we find out we're expecting Savannah, again why not have 2 dogs for 2 kids?  David desperately needed another male type animal in the house and I can't blame him, he was surrounded by females both human and animal (5 if you count my old Pomeranian who now resides with my mom).  This time we went through a rescue called Bully Paws Rescue and we found our baby blue boy Titan!  In fact it was amazing the reaction from our home visit volunteer for Bully Paws "we are so thrilled that you all are adding a Pit Bull while expecting another baby, you all are setting the perfect example of a loving and caring family for both your girls and Pit Bulls!"...I was really touched that someone said that.


A lot of people gave us issues when we got Whiskey before Hannah came, statements like "pits and babies don't mix" or "aren't you worried for your child's safety"...ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS I thought!  Over the 3 years that we've had Whiskey and now 1 year with Titan I trust these dogs with my girls more than I do most humans!  No one takes into consideration that both of these dogs have been raised with our girls from birth, they are loyal and sweet, caring and compassionate and so patient with our kids it's almost unbelievable.

Did you know that Pit Bulls were actually bred to be one of the most obedient and loyal breeds out there?  Back in the older years (my husband could probably tell you exactly when) bull fighters used to use Bull Dogs in sport to pin down large bulls in the ring but over time the trainers noticed that the Bull Dogs were turning on them.  They decided to breed the Bull Dog with the traditional family pet the Terrier.  Once they did this they had the "Pit Bull" this breed never turned on their owner becoming essential in the sport.


Next you had the Europeans who brought the Pit Bull over with him becoming the first real cowboys in our society, the dogs provided not just companionship but safety and protection.  Over time cowboys created the best breed, they didn't have time if a dog turned on them, immediately it would be put down, essentially only the best of the breed survived.  As the dogs got older the cowboys would leave the dogs with their wives and children when they went on long distance trips.  This is how Pit Bulls became the "Nanny Dog"!  The wives and mothers were in charge of so many other activities around the house that they would leave the children with the Pit Bulls to watch them as guardians.  This baby-sitting could last 5 minutes to several hours and no one blinked twice, children in fact were safer because the dogs could protect and guide the children and even were play toys for their miniature owners.  They also were not owned by the lower class as history might suggest, in fact they were owned by many more of the middle to upper class families of our time.


Now whenever some says to me that I'm crazy for owning two Pits with my two girls in the house I tell them "how many times has your Chihuahua bit your kid" or "how many times has your cat scratched your kid"...dumb breeds dumb.  The simple fact is that what I call "My Breed" the Pit Bull is widely misunderstood.  Yes, there are bad dogs out there but there's bad dogs in every breed not just Pits.  I take huge offense to anyone who bashes or talks down about my dogs because my dogs are to me just as much as my children part of our family.  They are the best dogs I've ever owned and I wouldn't trade them for any other breed.  Does no one remember "Petey" from Little Rascals? Yeah folks, that was a PIT BULL!


Each family needs to do their own research on what breed will work best for them and their children, Pit Bulls just happen to be the best damn breed for me and my family!  I will close this off by saying I won't bully you or your dog, whatever breed that might be if you don't bully my breed...educate yourself, investigate what you are talking about and learn the history of an animal before you banish it because of ignorance. 

First and foremost, any and everyone you know can give you advice, you don't have to take it and every story and experience is different for each person based on their situation so anything I have to share is definitely based purely on my own experience both as a first time mom and a 2nd time mom.

Tip #1: Expect the Unexpected! I can't stress this enough...no one and I do mean no one, not even the doctors can tell you exactly what's going to happen from your labor and delivery to your first days, weeks, months even years as a parent.  Again, each person experiences something different.  Be okay with adapting in the moment and taking each day as brand new, babies have a memory of seconds, not minutes, hours or even days.  Every day you get a clean slate to try again.

Tip #2:  Do what you believe is best for your child.  You and only you know your baby, your bond is stronger than anyone else.  I received a lot of flack for a long time about not breast feeding my children however I KNEW that I couldn't give them that type of feeding so I went with what I KNEW would give them the nutrition they deserved and needed.  You have to do what's best for you and your baby and stand firm on it, don't let anyone tell you you are doing it wrong.

Tip #3:  Take lots of pictures!  They are only this small once in their lives, no matter how annoying it might seem to everyone else around you, you will want those memories and one day your baby will thank you for that snap shot (or hate you) but either way they will also have that memory on print.  

Tip #4: Don't Invest in Expensive Clothes.  I mean besides your nursery furniture and car seat don't go crazy on outfits or shoes or blankets. Clothes will get dirty (or outgrown very quickly), so while they are cute they aren't always worth the pricey investment.

Tip #5:  Take help! I mean this one in the most serious manner...if someone offers help, take it! Let your family and friends be there as a support.  I can't tell you how many days I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open but ignored hubby's requests to take a nap while he watched the baby....man I wish I could get those hours back.  Let people cook and clean and help all they can, because when the newness wears off they will back off and you'll be wishing you had those helping hands.

Tip #6:  Take care of your health.  I know this is important in pregnancy but it's vital as a new mom too.  Eat well, get sleep (revisit Tip #5) and take care of yourself because if you aren't okay then baby won't be okay.  This little person depends on you for everything so you have to be at your best to give them whatever they need.

Tip #7:  Get out at least once a day.  I don't care if it's a walk or just sitting on the porch but get out.  Being cooped up in a house is very hard and I know so many new moms are scared to bring their baby out into the world but trust me you have to do it sooner or later so definitely try sooner.  This will also help you with feeling good and positively taking care of yourself.

Tip #8:  Find a mommy and me group.  I can't tell you how vital this one was for me.  None of my friends had kids when I did so I felt really alone in everything I was dealing with, once I reached out to a mommy group it was an amazing feeling to finally have other people who knew what I was dealing with.

Tip #9:  Be in the moment.  Enjoy those moments at bath time or even those little gas smiles after a feeding, you'll never get those back. 

Tip #10: Make time for you and your significant other.  SO IMPORTANT! Not only are you both new parents but you are still partners and your bond needs to remain strong.  It's easy to get wrapped up in all things baby but make time for dates or even small gestures of romance. You'd be amazing at how much easier it is to make it through a rough night of a colic-ridden baby when your partner is there to support you through it rather than upset because he/she isn't getting attention they need as well.

Overall I would say that my biggest tip is just to go with the flow, enjoy it, be in the moment and relish this time, it flies by so quickly, you'll blink and it's gone.  This is sometimes hard to do as a new mom but I know you can!  I hope these tips helped and if you need any additional tips or have questions about anything I'm just an email, tweet or Facebook post away!  :)

Wow, that's quite a thought to wrap my brain around.  I know I'm a good mom and I know I have an idea of who I want the girls to be as they grow up but my goals to get them there, hadn't really processed that...doesn't it just happen?  Obviously not.

Actually, today on our way home from an overnight trip I was telling my husband "I always want our girls to know their self-worth".  They get told by me, their dad, their grandparents and even the occasional Home Depot employee "you are so gorgeous" or "you are so pretty" and truth be told, they are!  My kids are probably some of the most beautiful girls I've laid my eyes on but I don't want them to believe their self-worth is based only on their looks that's why I also try to tell them all the time "you're so smart" or "that's brilliant, you're a genius!".  I want them to know that their insides, their integrity and smarts make them just as beautiful as their physical appearances do.

I also want my girls to know that a man doesn't make you.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and as a SAHM and wife I appreciate that every morning he puts both feet on the floor and makes a promise to do everything in his power to provide for us and keep our lifestyle one that we are now accustom to.  But before my husband I was in a heavily dependent relationship (amongst other things, but that's for another time) and I needed that person to give me what I needed to feel whole in several categories (money, affection, emotions, etc.).  It wasn't until I left that relationship that I learned I'm in control of my own happiness and being alone doesn't make me less of a person.  It also made me appreciate this amazing man who would probably go to the ends of the earth for me on any given Sunday.  In attachment to that, I want my girls to look at our marriage and know that's what they deserve, a man that showers you with affection, compliments you and makes you his whole world.  They are more deserving of that than any man who puts them down, degrades or belittles them into thinking they are less amazing than they truly are.

Recently, we also starting giving Hannah left over change and have her take it over to her piggy bank and put it in.  We applaud her and tell her she's going to be a great saver!  I grew up in a upper-middle class family in basic Suburbia so the value of money never really hit me until a couple years ago when we had a mortgage, car payments and kids to pay for.   I want both my girls to know that money is worth something and it's definitely worth how much work you put into it.  I hope to take Hannah (and Savannah when she's old enough) once a month to the bank, hand over that piggy bank and watch them smile as they see the bank tellers make a big deal about them adding money to their savings accounts.  Also, as they get older if there's a special treat they want they can also learn to save for it and earn it.  Having things to call your own that no one can take from you is a very rewarding feeling and I want them to have that experience.

I'm sure now that I think about it that I have a ton of goals for my girls as a mom, I want them to know healthy competition and that it's okay to win or lose, I want them to know outdoor activities and that life doesn't begin and end with a TV show and so much more but I think I touched on my Top 3 Goals.

What are your goals for your kids?  What lessons do you want them to learn as they grow up and become the amazing adults we are creating?

Most of you probably don't know that David and I got married in Vegas, yes, we eloped but our wedding was just what we wanted, with people we love around us (our families were even able to watch over a live internet feed so they were there in spirit)...I was dusting in our bedroom and like always I have to move a ton of our wedding memorabilia but for some reason today I really looked at these items and realized how important they were in our wedding day and how perfect they are to how we got married.


First there's my bouquet, it was white roses.  I'm not really a fan of roses, I think they are generic and easy to get (I mean 7-11 has roses) but these roses are probably the most beautiful I've seen, there was exactly 12 of them which was perfect because David and I met on July 12th.  I don't think I would have felt like a bride in Vegas without this bouquet, but what I've never told anyone is that I broke 1/2 the stems walking down the aisle with how hard I was squeezing it.  I was cool calm and collected that whole day but that moment I walked down the aisle I could barely keep my knees from collapsing I was so in love.  They are obviously dried out now but just having them in our room helps me remember that day and I love that they dried so perfectly...not a single petal fell off, still intact.


One of the next items we have from that day still makes me laugh...it's the champagne flute that we took our first drink as husband and wife, now I'm sure you ask, why is that funny?  It's funny because David had never had champagne before, so instead of sipping it, he took it like a shot...that's my classy man right there!  The whole room, reverend and all burst into laughter, every time I see these flutes I think of that moment.


The final wedding favor we have is probably my favorite, after our wedding we had a dinner at Joe's Seafood, Prime Steak & Stone Crab inside Cesar's Palace.  We ordered a very nice bottle of wine and all of our guests, David's brother (best man), my best friend Dawn (Maid of Honor) and our 4 cousins signed the cork for us.  We really love this piece of memorabilia because again when we see it we remember that amazing meal surrounded by people who love us and support our relationship and marriage so much.


I really love having these pieces to look back on and remember what was one of the most important and memorable days of my life!  What are some of your wedding items that you kept that are special to you?

I never expected that I'd actually be blogging this long, much less be good enough at it that a local magazine would want to feature my blog on it's online portal...I mean how cool?  I'm definitely flattered! 

My blog with Fredericksburg Parent and Family Magazine will be some different content than what I do on here (that's what they would like anyways), so I'm thinking more DIY and stuff on that blog with the occasional copy from this personal blog.

Please go check out my first post with them...An Introduction: The Real Housewife of Caroline County.

Above all that I just want to say thank you to any and all of you that have been supporting me whether personal family and friends or my mommy blogger community that I'm building friendships with.  It means a lot to me that you all come by, read what I have to say and even care about it and me.  I'm definitely feeling blessed!

xoxo
Penny

This is probably one of my favorite pictures of life, from my 25th birthday celebration...with my 4 favorite people at that moment...through thick and thin they've always been there when it really counts...this photo embodies our love for each other like no other I've ever seen!

Recently I found out that From Mrs. to Mama was hosting a link up on her 52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose, this week’s purpose is If I Could Turn Back Time. This was an interesting one to me because I often try to not thing “well, what if?” or “should I have gone right instead of left?” I think it leaves a negative essence around yourself and your actions.

I had a family member who once told me “Trust in Life, Trust in Love, neither can lead you astray”, and I truly believe that, I don’t know how I feel about destiny or fate but I believe things happen for a reason, even if it’s to teach you lesson to never do it again. We’ve all been at forks in the road many times in our lives and maybe now and again we’ve taken the wrong way but I don’t think there’s been many if any times I’ve said “I should have gone right, not left”.

I don’t know there’s much I’d want to do over because for the most part I’m 95% happy with where my life is today, sure there are things I would tweak with my family, friends and miscellaneous but I don’t know too many people that are half as content in their life as I am. Plus, all of those moments, even the ones I might regret have brought me to where I am and made me who I am today.  

If I could turn back time…I wouldn’t have wasted time with my jerk ex-boyfriend off and on for almost 7 years, I would have told myself, “you deserve better, and better is out there” and left and moved on. But from that relationship I learned what I will and won’t stand for in my relationship with my now husband and it’s definitely made me a stronger wife to him because I now have a backbone and we make decisions as partners not sole individuals.

If I could turn back time…I would have taken that college money and instead of buying a brand new car and pimping out all my friends with new outfits or taking them to fancy dinners I would have actually invested it or bought a house earlier in life or maybe even gone to college to get my degree.

If I could turn back time…I wish my husband and I would have had more relationship time before having our kids. I love my girls with all my heart but some days I wish that instead of the first few years of our relationship and marriage being 100% about babies it could have been about us and really taking the time to invest in each other.

If I could turn back time…I would probably take back something’s I’ve said and done to those that are important or play an important role in my life. Words can’t be taken back, they hurt forever and sometimes we don’t think before we speak (I’m exceptionally good at this), you never realize how fast it flies out of your mouth and how quickly as soon as it came out you wish it never was even a thought in your head for your mouth to speak!

If I could turn back time…I’d treasure those moments with those people I now know that I’ve lost in my life. I’d be there 30 minutes earlier to catch Courtland before he committed suicide, I’d spend more time with my grandparents on both sides, I’d hug friends a little tighter before they got on a motorcycle and crashed and even more than that I’d wish I had the chance with all of them to say goodbye, to have closure, to know they are okay in where they are going and that they really are looking over me.

No one knows how life is going to turn out, and no matter how much money, fame or material things you have we all make mistakes and take that right instead of left in life, the true test is how you move forward from that decision and try to make it the most positive that it can be for your future. These are definitely lessons I will teach my girls and I know that one day I will have to let them learn the hard way on some things like I did but I know that they will eventually look back and say I’m happy mom let me learn instead of keeping me in a bubble.