I Shouldn't Be...But I Am...3/16/2015
It’s in human nature to be jealous. We always want more. Worse, we always want what we don’t have or what we see others with. We see this develop very early in children, “I don’t want that toy, I want what Joey has” and so on. Truth is, we should just be happy with what we have. I find myself lately not being jealous of anyone but my husband. I know, weird but true. There are some things I’m jealous of and shouldn’t be, but I am. But here are some of the new ways I’m trying to channel that.
I shouldn’t be jealous when he comes home from a long day at work and the girls run up to him with open arms, smiling, laughing and screaming “DADDY!”, but I am. Instead, I’m learning to find the joy and happiness than when I do leave the house or leave them with my in-laws and come back how excited they are that I’m home. Sometimes I’m here so much, I’m with them every day that we can all forget that they can miss mommy. Now when I see them after being gone I make more of an effort to scoop them up and love on them because they missed me and I in turn missed them.
I shouldn’t be jealous that my husband can sit and eat while I get up to get every bit of “more ketchup” or “more chicken, please”, but I am. I’ve found that I need to just be thankful that we have food. That my kids aren’t hungry and that they look to me to continue nurturing their eating habits. My husband deserves a warm meal when he get home and to rest for a bit before he will spend the rest of the night playing with them so I can clean, do laundry or all the other last minute things I need to do before they go to bed.
And the crazy twist in this is that I found out my husband is jealous of me! He shouldn’t be jealous of me that I’m with our kiddos all day but he is. He’s jealous he misses every fight, every tear, every laugh and every moment between putting them to bed the night before and walking through the door around dinner time the next day. I never thought he could be jealous of me but he is. I tried to explain to him the best way to channel that is that I send every text I can, I keep him up to date throughout the day as much as I can, we FaceTime but most of all he’s working, providing and making it so that I can be here with them and they aren’t raised by someone who isn’t their mother. He’s protecting them from sickness in day care and giving them memories of playing with their siblings. He’s providing so much more than he can ever know and that is absolutely nothing to be jealous of.
It was a great to sulk for a minute and think I’m the bad one for being jealous but again it’s just human nature. We all want what the other has. So what are you jealous of that you probably shouldn’t be but you are?