Being a Controversial Mom...Preparing for When YOU Are Gone

9/26/2013


I have to admit, I've been a little nervous to write this post but the only person I'm probably making nervous in posting it is myself.  I've spent every day of the last year and three months being a SAHM and the past 26 months of my life being a mother, there hasn't been many times in that period that I've been without my children and them without me.  Recently though I've had to start thinking of writing a will and what all goes into that, this process has weighed heavy on me but I'd like to share some of my thoughts on what I've gone through in doing our will.

Firstly, my husband and I must agree on everything, from who controls the money for the girls to who gets them should something ever happen to us at the same time and all the things in between.  Here are some of the topics that I've put heavy thought into:

1.  Living Wills: These can be touchy because you might change your mind later in life but for the most part my husband and I stay on the same page for this.  Should we ever been in a place where there's no chance we will wake up or it is painful to keep us alive our wishes are to not be placed on life support.  My husband has a DNR however I do not, this is probably our only thought difference on Living Wills, I believe that if I can be saved and given life again I want the help.

2.  Guardianship: In the event that something happens to both David and I at the same time we had to make a decision on where the girls and with whom the girls would be raised.  We did actually have a little bit of a hard time with this...both sets of our parents are both in their 60's and while I hope nothing happens in the immediate future I couldn't sleep well leaving that responsibility on those who had already raised children.  We considered other younger family members like my brother-in-law and his wife but David and I did settle on his cousins who live in Mississippi.  They already have 2 children of their own who are a little older and we know they would be well equip to care for the girls and give them everything they could need from hugs and kisses to a good education.

3.  Financial: This one can be a doosey,  leaving your money and possessions in the hands of someone else can be a little scary, what if they don't do the right thing or what if they don't want the responsibility.  We have decided to place that with a close family member, someone we both believe will make financial decisions only in the girls best interests.  I highly recommend picking someone with a good financial background of their own, if you go with a gambler chances are that they will gamble what you place in their hands.

4.  To Bury or Cremate: This has two parts to it.  First, you should check with your family members and find out what their plans are.  Did you parents buy you a burial plot? Do you know what they want for themselves?  All of these things can affect how you make your decisions for whether to buy a burial plot or where to be buried/cremated.  Second, you have to make your own decisions on what you want for your afterlife, thankfully David and I are on the same page of being cremated.  I don't know what it is about being buried but the thought that possibly bugs could crawl through me freaks me out.  I'd much rather be cremated and kept somewhere, whether it be a memorial wall or in a box for my girls or my ashes spread I haven't made that final decision just yet.  There's also a new thing where you can be cremated and your ashes turned into diamonds...that would be interesting, knowing that I could give myself back to my girls that way, maybe in a necklace for them to wear or a diamond for their engagement ring but it also has some strange qualities to it as well.

These are just a couple of the many things to consider while preparing for a life when you aren't around anymore.  This whole process has dragged up some hard feelings for me but it is something that has to be done to protect the girls.  I never want to think of a time with David and I won't be there for them but reality is that time goes on and eventually they will be without us, all I can do is make it the easiest process on this end for them since the emotional will be difficult. 

Have you created your will? How did you go about it?  Did you use LegalZoom or a Lawyer?  Any advice for those going through this process is always appreciated and I just might take some of it myself.

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7 comments

  1. I know the importance of getting this stuff together but my husband and I keep putting it off. I know, not good! We have thought about who we would want to raise our daughter though. We don't have wills yet and that is something we need to get on! I hate thinking about these "what if's" but I know we just have to do it.

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    1. I know it's a rough and "controversial" topic, no one really wants to talk about it. I certainly didn't and even though we've talked about a couple things we haven't talked about everything but we have enough in place that I can put something in writing that I know the girls are protected God forbid anything happens in the immediate future.

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  2. I can definitely see why this could have been difficult to discuss. You make great points for people who have never done it that they can follow! Thanks for being brave enough to share! xoxo

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    1. thanks! it wasn't easy and talking with family members about all this stuff can be very difficult too

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  3. This is definitely a difficult process to think through and manage. I honestly have to start thinking of these things myself and you have inspired me to do so. Thanks for being so brave in sharing this post!

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    1. And thanks for linking up to Turn It Up Tuesdays!

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    2. thanks for stopping by and hosting the link up! I'm glad I helped you to start thinking about it!

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