the last few hours have been incredibly difficult for me. when people tell me not to be emotional about my babies growing older, i don’t like it. just enjoy it, they say. well of course i am enjoying it. i’m enjoying it best i can.

hooray! you are 2! i will say all day long today! and i’ll be happy and proud of my little girl and show her off and feel excited! but this birthday also comes with a big lump in the back of my throat. it’s just hard to accept that we’re already here.

i thought the first year flew by with hannah, but the second year? it’s like the speed of light. i’m not ready for this day to come! wait! my baby! stay a baby! i’m just not ready….but july 19th is here, and you, my love, are two!

so hannah, my sweet little miracle who is my cuddle bug and big girl and beautiful baby, i cannot tell you how much i love you. how much you make this family feel complete. how much you mean to me. thank you for bringing so much joy into our family. thank you for giving me so many hugs and cuddles and kisses throughout the day. thank you for being so easy going and happy. thank you for being patient with me. and with your dada and sister, too. thank you for making me want to be a better person and mama every single day.i cannot believe we are here. it feels like yesterday you were born. i am so proud of you! happy birthday, baby girl! I love you, mama.

This is a rough week for me…Savannah turned 9 months old today and on Friday, Hannah will be turning 2.  I remember when these little girls were just my little babies!  It seems like in the past 2 weeks Savannah has just grown leaps and bounds.  She went from rolling around on the floor to crawling so fast that I can’t even keep up, if I blink she’s gone down the hall to her room (most often to find her sister).  Finally she’s even been able to keep down solid baby foods, puffs and yogurt and it’s just too much too fast in a short span of time for me to process and accept. 

I’ve often been told when I was pregnant with Savannah that she would develop faster than I was used to with Hannah because she would want to keep up with her sister, so she would push herself harder than normal, which has definitely become my reality recently.  It seems like just yesterday I was holding her for the first time in the recovery room after my cesarean delivery.  She was just a bit smaller than her sister but already she was special and so unique, like any other new mom I was just in love, by no means could it ever be measured.

I’m more in love with her today than ever so this 9 month milestone is bittersweet for me, mostly because I want so badly to watch her grow and continue to interact with her sister but sad and crappy because I desperately miss my newborn baby whom was incredibly dependent on me.  Don’t get me wrong I love sleeping through the night (most nights) and the little bit of added independence that comes with her getting older but I miss constantly being needed for 1 hour or 2 hour feedings and rocking her to sleep.

But as much as I miss it, I enjoy it, it is inevitable that she will grow and become similar to her sister but I know she loves me by the way she smiles at me and reaches for me when I go to pick her up.  I can’t wait to watch her continue to develop and become this amazing little girl, who in the not too distant future I see beating up her sister and getting in some payback!

Happy 9 months Bap Bap…we all love you so much!