Dear 16 Year Old Penny,

You are 16, wow, I don't envy you!  There's so much that is about to change in your life, it will mold and shape you into the woman you will be when I'm writing this letter at 29 Years Old.  You have had some dark days, some bright ones and some so luminous that you can't even yet dream of them.  These types of letters are never exactly meant to be a guide or glimpse into your future but if I can give guidance to help you where you are now I'll do my best.

1.  Your parents will never get any better, they are great parents individually but please accept the reality that they will only come together in a positive way for you only a couple times in your future.  They don't mean to continue to cause the pain that is associated with it, it's just the way it is and you need to move on and accept it.  You'll never make either of them happy with your decisions or what's happening in your life 100% of the time but you can make yourself happy and know that they will do their best to support that.

2.  Try harder in school.  I know you are bored, I know you are interested in so many other things and searching for what makes you whole but everything associated with your desire to ditch school is not always positive.  You are bright and smart and so very worth being educated.

3.  That boy, yes the one who has just entered your life, he will forever change you.  He is a good boy but guard your heart and know that the moment he hurts you or you fear him please walk away, don't look back, don't play the yo-yo game with your heart or your body.  You deserve someone who will honor, respect you and above all never lay a hand on you or break your heart.  I can tell you though that the path of experiences you walk with him will lead you to the man who will make you the happiest girl in the world

4.  You are beautiful...you might not feel it every day but you are, not just inside but outside as well.  Everyone around you sees it, embrace that, embrace them and love yourself.

5.  If you can please get to Courtland's house five minutes earlier every day you have to pick him up from school, tell him he is loved and hug him.  Tell him he is an amazing friend and how much you need him in your life.  You won't regret it if you do but you will if you don't, because of your friendship with Courtland you will learn to treasure each and every friendship you have.

6.  You will eventually get everything you want in life, it will take time, it's not exactly as you picture it right now but you are happy and you will have your every dream fulfilled.  Your heart will be full of love and your home full of laughter and smiles.  You will have a stable home for you and your family and fully enjoy your job everyday.  You will be surrounded with the ones you love and the ones who love you, you'll learn quickly to cut out anyone who brings any dark cloud into your happy place.

Bottom line to this letter is that I know 16 sucks, it really does and trust me when I say there may be days when it seems like it's not worth going on, there will be heartbreak but there will be love, there maybe jokes and laughs but there will be tears.  Your life from today on is a journey paved with several types of experiences but all worth having and knowing.  When you get to where I am now you will be able to look back at 16 and know that it was a great time in your life and it's made you who you are but there's so much more to life than that period of time.  You will become a strong, beautiful and most of all happy woman...hold onto everyday from here on out, you can do it!

Trust in Life, Trust in Love...
29 Year Old Penny

with my dad's mom just after I was born...on the screened in porch

I'm going to slightly cheat on this one and pick the screened in porch off my childhood home.  I'm probably one of the few who has a parent still living in their childhood home, my mom still resides in mine.  My parents built the house I was raised in just before I was born, it's beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 level home in a family friendly neighborhood on a fairly quite street...the largest perk of this home is that there is a large open field across the street that can't have anything built on it so we never had any neighbors across the street which made it prime play area for me and friends, even my old community cheer leading practices were done there.  These days we use the screen in porch for lunches or dinners at my mom's house, a place to lay around and let the kids play so they can be inside but outside at the same time.

my dad and me...on the screened in porch

But when I was younger it served a similar purpose, family would come to visit and we would congregate on the screened in porch, many naps, meals and laughs were had in this room attached to our house.  One of my favorite pictures of my dad and I was taken on that porch and most of my 1st baby moments were captured there, my 1st birthday was on the porch as well.  As I grew up it was a quiet place to do my homework or just hang out with a friend after school.  My first break up happened on that porch, my graduation party from high school (I barely made it but I did!) was filled with cake and lots of cards filled with money...I can honestly say I have the most memories on that screened in porch.

with my dad's dad just after I was born while my mom and aunt watched...on the screened in porch

I know one day my mom will move and the house will be gone but I will always have those memories on that porch and maybe, just maybe some little girl will get to live all those memories likes I did there

Have you ever been walking through a store or just out and about, saw a woman alone and thought..."she's a mom"...how would you know what a mom looks like?  Is it the same way that my husband describes sometimes seeing a man in a restaurant obviously out with his family and just looks miserable so we think "oh, that's a dad"?


Being a mom looks like...staying in your pajamas until nap time just so you can get a shower with enough time to wash and dry your hair just to probably go back into your closer and put on pajamas or at your dressiest yoga pants and a t-shirt/tank top and should you be lucky enough to plan to get out of the house actually putting on a tiny bit of make up to look presentable to the outside world.


 Being a mom looks like...a diaper bag full of everything your kids could possibly need.  From formula, bottles, pacifiers, squeezable food pouches, diapers, wipes, changing pad, at least 2 extra sets of clothes per kid and toys to occupy them...

Being a mom looks like...applying band-aids, administering baby Tylenol and kisses for every boo boo when they fall, those Neosporin commercials are visually perfect at lying to you, your child won't be cool, calm and collected as you try to do these things, it's often met with another type of fight from your child.  But when you ask them "is it all better" and they wimper "yeah" you know you did your job.

  
Being a mom looks like...smiles when they first see you after waking up in the morning or from naps, the light in their eyes for you is enough to melt your heart or if you are ever away for a short period, even a trip to the grocery store how you are met with the biggest of hugs and excitement when you enter through the door.


Being a mom looks like...Elmo or Baby Genius on the TV all day, every day, whether used as a tool to drown out other noise or as a calming technique to keep them calm or just to sit still for a minute.

Being a mom looks like...you have the weight of the world on your shoulders because some days you do.  Some days it's a lot of pressure, raising a family and children to become the amazing adults we hope they will be is not an easy task.  Our job as moms is not just to raise our children but be a maid, cook, nurse, diaper changer (sanitation engineer as I call it) and an all over domestic goddess.


Being a mom looks like...SUPERMOM at the small little successes you get everyday, whether it's your child learning a new sign language word so she can communicate with her grandfather who's deaf, a new tooth coming in or actually using the potty when they tell you they need to, you can't help but have your heart jump at those moments of pride where you know you've done your job properly.

I was honestly going to do this about discipline and how it works in our home but I felt that was better for a different day.  It took some thinking but these are definitely just a couple of the things I said I would never do as a mom/parent that have happened...



1. I said I wouldn’t use a pacifier. After all, pacifiers are a bad habit and can mess up children’s teeth. It’s a crutch. It’s a cop out. It’s… LIFE SAVER!!! With Hannah I didn't have to use one, she honestly had no interest in it at all but Savannah wanted/needed it since Day 1 and now that she's just turned 10 months it's still really constant.  However, I have noticed recently more and more that she can be without it, she will spit it out and just crawl around, the only time she absolutely must have it is when sleeping.  I do have intentions of taking it away around her 1st birthday or at least starting to wean her from it.

2. No junk food. I failed at this the first time that I realized french fries from McDonald's were the easiest way to keep Hannah quiet on a road trip to see the grandparents.  It's not something that she gets all the time or even close to that but on the rare occasion that we know we are going to be in the car for long periods of time we do make a pit stop for those little salty devils.

3. I wouldn't rush time. Some days I find myself thinking or saying "I can't wait until you are older so I can be done with the baby stuff" but then I'll be in tears the next moment that some new milestone has happened and my "baby" is growing up too fast.  I try not to count the months or days until the next "birthday" or "month day" as I call them but I always find myself thinking "Wow, she's going to be 26 months or 10 1/2 months" so while sometimes I want it to rush by I mostly want to hit pause and keep them just the way they are.

4. I would always have all my attention on my child and never have my nose in a phone. Then I became a stay-at-home mom and I get it. My phone is my outlet into the world.  It's my direct line to my husband who is my never ending support on rough days and it houses my mobile blogging and Twitter/Facebook accounts which are my life lines to my family and friends.  I do catch myself being overindulgent in it from time to time and have to check myself but the second I hear the girls laughing or having a good moment I put it down because being in those moments with them is the best thing ever and I'd rather have that 1 minute of joy when them than 1 minute trying to capture it on Instagram to share with the world.

What are some things you said you would never do as a parent that you've caught yourself in?

First and foremost, any and everyone you know can give you advice, you don't have to take it and every story and experience is different for each person based on their situation so anything I have to share is definitely based purely on my own experience both as a first time mom and a 2nd time mom.

Tip #1: Expect the Unexpected! I can't stress this enough...no one and I do mean no one, not even the doctors can tell you exactly what's going to happen from your labor and delivery to your first days, weeks, months even years as a parent.  Again, each person experiences something different.  Be okay with adapting in the moment and taking each day as brand new, babies have a memory of seconds, not minutes, hours or even days.  Every day you get a clean slate to try again.

Tip #2:  Do what you believe is best for your child.  You and only you know your baby, your bond is stronger than anyone else.  I received a lot of flack for a long time about not breast feeding my children however I KNEW that I couldn't give them that type of feeding so I went with what I KNEW would give them the nutrition they deserved and needed.  You have to do what's best for you and your baby and stand firm on it, don't let anyone tell you you are doing it wrong.

Tip #3:  Take lots of pictures!  They are only this small once in their lives, no matter how annoying it might seem to everyone else around you, you will want those memories and one day your baby will thank you for that snap shot (or hate you) but either way they will also have that memory on print.  

Tip #4: Don't Invest in Expensive Clothes.  I mean besides your nursery furniture and car seat don't go crazy on outfits or shoes or blankets. Clothes will get dirty (or outgrown very quickly), so while they are cute they aren't always worth the pricey investment.

Tip #5:  Take help! I mean this one in the most serious manner...if someone offers help, take it! Let your family and friends be there as a support.  I can't tell you how many days I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open but ignored hubby's requests to take a nap while he watched the baby....man I wish I could get those hours back.  Let people cook and clean and help all they can, because when the newness wears off they will back off and you'll be wishing you had those helping hands.

Tip #6:  Take care of your health.  I know this is important in pregnancy but it's vital as a new mom too.  Eat well, get sleep (revisit Tip #5) and take care of yourself because if you aren't okay then baby won't be okay.  This little person depends on you for everything so you have to be at your best to give them whatever they need.

Tip #7:  Get out at least once a day.  I don't care if it's a walk or just sitting on the porch but get out.  Being cooped up in a house is very hard and I know so many new moms are scared to bring their baby out into the world but trust me you have to do it sooner or later so definitely try sooner.  This will also help you with feeling good and positively taking care of yourself.

Tip #8:  Find a mommy and me group.  I can't tell you how vital this one was for me.  None of my friends had kids when I did so I felt really alone in everything I was dealing with, once I reached out to a mommy group it was an amazing feeling to finally have other people who knew what I was dealing with.

Tip #9:  Be in the moment.  Enjoy those moments at bath time or even those little gas smiles after a feeding, you'll never get those back. 

Tip #10: Make time for you and your significant other.  SO IMPORTANT! Not only are you both new parents but you are still partners and your bond needs to remain strong.  It's easy to get wrapped up in all things baby but make time for dates or even small gestures of romance. You'd be amazing at how much easier it is to make it through a rough night of a colic-ridden baby when your partner is there to support you through it rather than upset because he/she isn't getting attention they need as well.

Overall I would say that my biggest tip is just to go with the flow, enjoy it, be in the moment and relish this time, it flies by so quickly, you'll blink and it's gone.  This is sometimes hard to do as a new mom but I know you can!  I hope these tips helped and if you need any additional tips or have questions about anything I'm just an email, tweet or Facebook post away!  :)

Wow, that's quite a thought to wrap my brain around.  I know I'm a good mom and I know I have an idea of who I want the girls to be as they grow up but my goals to get them there, hadn't really processed that...doesn't it just happen?  Obviously not.

Actually, today on our way home from an overnight trip I was telling my husband "I always want our girls to know their self-worth".  They get told by me, their dad, their grandparents and even the occasional Home Depot employee "you are so gorgeous" or "you are so pretty" and truth be told, they are!  My kids are probably some of the most beautiful girls I've laid my eyes on but I don't want them to believe their self-worth is based only on their looks that's why I also try to tell them all the time "you're so smart" or "that's brilliant, you're a genius!".  I want them to know that their insides, their integrity and smarts make them just as beautiful as their physical appearances do.

I also want my girls to know that a man doesn't make you.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and as a SAHM and wife I appreciate that every morning he puts both feet on the floor and makes a promise to do everything in his power to provide for us and keep our lifestyle one that we are now accustom to.  But before my husband I was in a heavily dependent relationship (amongst other things, but that's for another time) and I needed that person to give me what I needed to feel whole in several categories (money, affection, emotions, etc.).  It wasn't until I left that relationship that I learned I'm in control of my own happiness and being alone doesn't make me less of a person.  It also made me appreciate this amazing man who would probably go to the ends of the earth for me on any given Sunday.  In attachment to that, I want my girls to look at our marriage and know that's what they deserve, a man that showers you with affection, compliments you and makes you his whole world.  They are more deserving of that than any man who puts them down, degrades or belittles them into thinking they are less amazing than they truly are.

Recently, we also starting giving Hannah left over change and have her take it over to her piggy bank and put it in.  We applaud her and tell her she's going to be a great saver!  I grew up in a upper-middle class family in basic Suburbia so the value of money never really hit me until a couple years ago when we had a mortgage, car payments and kids to pay for.   I want both my girls to know that money is worth something and it's definitely worth how much work you put into it.  I hope to take Hannah (and Savannah when she's old enough) once a month to the bank, hand over that piggy bank and watch them smile as they see the bank tellers make a big deal about them adding money to their savings accounts.  Also, as they get older if there's a special treat they want they can also learn to save for it and earn it.  Having things to call your own that no one can take from you is a very rewarding feeling and I want them to have that experience.

I'm sure now that I think about it that I have a ton of goals for my girls as a mom, I want them to know healthy competition and that it's okay to win or lose, I want them to know outdoor activities and that life doesn't begin and end with a TV show and so much more but I think I touched on my Top 3 Goals.

What are your goals for your kids?  What lessons do you want them to learn as they grow up and become the amazing adults we are creating?

Time Manipulation...


There are many days that I wish I had a fast forward button, just to push through the laundry, cleaning the house or even a cranky baby, this is also followed by days that I could hit slow motion...moments like watching David and the girls play that are just so adorable it warms my heart.  But there are days I wish I had a rewind button, that I could go back to places I've been before and live those moments again, like days at my grandparents old farm just riding on the John Deere with my Grandpa.

I think everyone wishes they had more time, we all say "I just need an extra hour" or "I wish I had a pause button", the reality of that would be a very cool thought but I think it would get scary.  What if you just shut everything off, hit pause or fast forwarded through a milestone of life?  Like any super power this one especially would have to be looked after with extreme care because it could easily get out of hand.

Personally, I want FAST FORWARD for changing dirty diapers, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and basically anything that's a "chore".  I want SLOW MOTION to enjoy the beautiful moments in being a wife and mom, all those days at the pool or play ground, even just rolling around on the floor at home, just to have a few more seconds to take those in would be amazing.  PAUSE, I'd only use in extreme conditions, like the kids are screaming and driving me nuts and I need a 2 minute break to clear my head and adjust or even be able to pause before Hannah runs to the street or I burn the biscuits.  REWIND to visit old memories. 

I don't think I'd ever hit STOP, that means my life would stop and I love my life, I don't ever have thoughts of leaving it or wanting to, it's me, it's who I am, it's everything that I love and every piece of me. 

Time manipulation...yup, that's one cool super power!

Recently I found out that From Mrs. to Mama was hosting a link up on her 52 Weeks of Blogging with a Purpose, this week’s purpose is If I Could Turn Back Time. This was an interesting one to me because I often try to not thing “well, what if?” or “should I have gone right instead of left?” I think it leaves a negative essence around yourself and your actions.

I had a family member who once told me “Trust in Life, Trust in Love, neither can lead you astray”, and I truly believe that, I don’t know how I feel about destiny or fate but I believe things happen for a reason, even if it’s to teach you lesson to never do it again. We’ve all been at forks in the road many times in our lives and maybe now and again we’ve taken the wrong way but I don’t think there’s been many if any times I’ve said “I should have gone right, not left”.

I don’t know there’s much I’d want to do over because for the most part I’m 95% happy with where my life is today, sure there are things I would tweak with my family, friends and miscellaneous but I don’t know too many people that are half as content in their life as I am. Plus, all of those moments, even the ones I might regret have brought me to where I am and made me who I am today.  

If I could turn back time…I wouldn’t have wasted time with my jerk ex-boyfriend off and on for almost 7 years, I would have told myself, “you deserve better, and better is out there” and left and moved on. But from that relationship I learned what I will and won’t stand for in my relationship with my now husband and it’s definitely made me a stronger wife to him because I now have a backbone and we make decisions as partners not sole individuals.

If I could turn back time…I would have taken that college money and instead of buying a brand new car and pimping out all my friends with new outfits or taking them to fancy dinners I would have actually invested it or bought a house earlier in life or maybe even gone to college to get my degree.

If I could turn back time…I wish my husband and I would have had more relationship time before having our kids. I love my girls with all my heart but some days I wish that instead of the first few years of our relationship and marriage being 100% about babies it could have been about us and really taking the time to invest in each other.

If I could turn back time…I would probably take back something’s I’ve said and done to those that are important or play an important role in my life. Words can’t be taken back, they hurt forever and sometimes we don’t think before we speak (I’m exceptionally good at this), you never realize how fast it flies out of your mouth and how quickly as soon as it came out you wish it never was even a thought in your head for your mouth to speak!

If I could turn back time…I’d treasure those moments with those people I now know that I’ve lost in my life. I’d be there 30 minutes earlier to catch Courtland before he committed suicide, I’d spend more time with my grandparents on both sides, I’d hug friends a little tighter before they got on a motorcycle and crashed and even more than that I’d wish I had the chance with all of them to say goodbye, to have closure, to know they are okay in where they are going and that they really are looking over me.

No one knows how life is going to turn out, and no matter how much money, fame or material things you have we all make mistakes and take that right instead of left in life, the true test is how you move forward from that decision and try to make it the most positive that it can be for your future. These are definitely lessons I will teach my girls and I know that one day I will have to let them learn the hard way on some things like I did but I know that they will eventually look back and say I’m happy mom let me learn instead of keeping me in a bubble.